Hi Brian,

I am resonating with some of your writtings. I am liking this view of couples for it's ability to create awareness rather that guilt or shame when problems are assigned to an 'it' rather than 'I- Thou. Creating a collective view of an issue between the couple generates insight which seems to have a lightness rather than the more heavy biding war of who own's the problem. I am intersted in the moving together, moving apart dance that I see in myself in relationship and for others that will present in counselling. Seems like there is lots of emphasis on the moving together aspect such as 'we want to stay together please help us', but less emphasis on the moving apart. I become excited by the oppertunities of disscussing the more unspoken aspect of how we move away from one another. From a paradoxical theory of change pespective change will be difficult until identification of where one is now is brought to light. As a counsellor I feel I am invited into the paradox of help us stay together when intuitively I feel at times it is the conlfuence of the couple that can bring on strong pushing away of one another. I am interested in your thoughts on bringing into the light the intergrating of the need to be seperate as a vechile that paradoxically brings oneness about. I feel this need to be seperate is often discussed in terms of vulnerability's or fears of being hurt but less from the perspective of the organisms need to move back and digest contact. It seems obvious that we will have different rates of digestion but this often seems to become a fixed gestalt (such as projection of ones fears onto the seperation, thus exaggerating the stage of the cycle. causing stuckness) rather than being seen as birds flapping their wings at different rates does not mean that one flies and one does not it's just a different movement.