Neil, first of all thank you for answering me.

I believe you put your finger on the essence of the problem - the goals.

Anxiety has made life intolarable for decades for this person (as far as his personal life is concerned), and this he wishes to change. There was the question of consistent fear (for 12 years) that the woman he lives with (and has 3 children with) will surely eventually be unfaithful to him - we made good progress there - in fact he eventually married her and family life has become significantly improved with CBT through his own efforts. Not that the thoughts went away, they are just better dealt with on a continual, ad-hoc basis. There was the question of anxious thoughts concerning his young daughter - to a point of keeping her at home (protected by him from schooling, vaccinations, and all else deemed dangerous). In this, also, his understanding and genuine efforts were the main determinants of changes and progress. Not that his fears for her are gone - he just deals with them more practically. There is the question of his work: he is a very talented artist and writer, but perception of himself as a total failure and an incompetent, unworthy and lost person have made him withdraw from threatening challenges and commitments, to become a recluse whose fear of failure and criticism prevented him from taking up formal education to develop his talents, exposing his work to professional (and inevitable)critique, etc. Here, also, his own goals and efforts brought about significant progress - he is now a student (usually an A student) and his determination keeps him at it, though this is still rather an uphill, painful battle, with many setbacks. There is a history of panic attacks, and he made good progress there also - it is rarely an issue now.

I thought we could make better progress by addressing deeper issues, but
you are right. When we try to descend deeper into schemas and basic belief systems is where I consistently encounter resistence to change and to CBT. He consciously clings to some powerful, anxiety-related perceptions, and though they originate in childhood abandonment and severe physical and emotional abuse, he seems not to want to define a goal of being rid of them.
In fact he views many of them as goals in themselves.

I have a lot of respect for his achievements so far, as well as his talents and creativity. I believe this is one time where it's me who needs to change... I should probably confine my efforts to the practical circumstances of coping with daily life, and not try (as I have been doing) to ease things further by descending deeper into regions of the self where he doesn't _want_ CBT to touch. In fact, I can't help seeing a good side: much of his creative work (art and writing) is fuelled by his being what he is. I identify (in myself) a conflict between the wish to help further, and a deep reverence of the creativity that his suffering has fuelled.

I could not help feeling that I wouldn't be doing a good job of helping if I didn't try going deeper, but you have reminded me to come to terms with the limits of the help that we can or should offer. I will continue to do my best on his own terms, and since I feel genuine respect for his strengths, I don't think it'll be too hard for me to embrace that approach. I think there's a good chance he'll even make a name for himself, though I doubt he'll ever believe he is worthy of it.... Perhaps our world will benefit from his work, and if he just manages to 'keep his life together' then so be it.

Thank you for your input

Janet.