Has the therapist, according to your wife, sent any form of written or verbal communication to you using your wife as a go between, while at the same time refusing to see you with your wife in session? I ask this, because this form of therapy, called "Psychotherapy By Proxy" is unethical. If the therapist attempts to communicate with you by using his client (your wife) to do so, communicate anything regarding your mental health status or marital status, while also refusing to see you in session, this is unethical.

If the therapist has done so, and also refuses to meet with you in session, I would recommend filing an ethics complaint with the state licensing board and ask the board to either terminate and refer your wife to a state certified marital therapist who is trained in marital issues, or to order the therapist into mediation with you so that you and your wife can make your concerns known to therapist and work out some kind of resolution so that the both of you can discuss your marital issues. Because you have every right to respond to the therapists assessments if he or she attempts couples therapy with only your wife present. It would be like a mechanic rebuilding your transmission while leaving out half the parts.

It appears that this therapist is attempting to do marital counseling with only one half of the marriage present. Not only is this impossible to do, it’s also unethical. I would suggest you do it soon before the therapist does irreparable damage to your marriage.