Hi, I'm not in the field but a client currently becoming aware of my own attachment to my therapist and how that relates to my therapy goals. I apologize if posting here is inappropriate.

To SWstudent, I would like to say that while my initial inclination upon developing my attachment was to want more than what the boundaries of therapy allows, I've come to the conclusion that it would not actually be the best result or path to strive for. To have a friendship outside of therapy would make it more difficult to preserve the objectivity and impartiality of the therapy relationship and bring into it a glimpse of the therapist's needs and interests. While I would certainly like to "normalize" the relationship and to offer in return the kind of empathy and caring she's shown me, it would damage and ultimately undermine all the progress we've made. The idea, I believe, is to utilize the bond that has developed in therapy toward gaining a better understanding of what I want from the people who are in my everyday life and how to seek that from those sources (and myself) on my own.

Does it suck tremendously that I can't have this wonderfully caring person in my life with whom I believe I may have a lot in common with? Ohh yes, it sucks and it makes me angry at what would seem to be the irony of it. But I think I've come to terms with it in a way that validates the relationship and bond without necessitating more than it is. It certainly helps that when I discussed all of this with her (at our last session in fact), she took the time to convey her own feelings about the authenticity of the bond and connection, and we discussed boundaries. Especially helpful as well, was discovering a book entitled "In Session: The Bond Between Women and Their Therapists." It addresses all of the things I'm currently feeling and is helping me make sense of it all. I would highly recommend it to you and anyone involved in therapy as a therapist or client, particularly women whose primary issues are related to their mother.