I have found the work of Donald Mosher very effective in discussing the depth and quality of sexual experience. He discusses three levels, 1) the Trance state, which covers the basic physical attraction of sex, 2) the Role Inactment state, which I paraphrase as the level at which we bring Identity, and take away Identity, and 3) Partner Engagement, which I translate as a level of Connection between the partners. I also use some quotes from The Dance of Connection, by Harriet Lerner.

Does anyone else use Mosher's material in Counseling? I will be interested in exchanging ideas.

Gerald

I suppose I shall reply to my own thread. The model used by Mosher has been useful in counseling. I came across the model in Schnarch's book, The Sexual Crucible. Mosher divides psychological response into 3 levels.
First is the Trance Level, which seems to be the simple and basic physical attraction.
Second is Role Enactment. I prefer to call this an Identity stage. The suggestion here seems to be that we all bring a sense of role-play, or identity, to the sexual experience, and, as well, we take one away. We may be acting out our secret, inner hero, charmer, conquerer, rescuer, etc. Perhaps we are acting out our inner "John Wayne" or our inner "Alan Alda". Certainly, the identity we truly bring to, and take away, is more complex, but this gives the basic idea.
Third, is the level of Connection. Few people seem to really reach this level. It takes on the real self of both people, the naked souls, and expresses the oneness of the spiritual relationship of the two people.
Exploring the meaning that a person, and a couple might find in these ways of naming the experience has helped clients clarify and find more and clearer expression.


The ancient Rabbis would say- True sex is when the spirits finally get to embrace and feel what it is like to be physical, and when the bodies finally get to feel what it is like to be spiritual and free.


Gerald

No, I don't and I am sort of on the receiving end of counselling, not dishing it out, but this is an area that desperately needs sorting in layman's terms. I have found a book, by Dr.Deepak Chopra, called le chemin vers l'amour ISBN 2 290 33919-9 which sorts some of this out by going through this "stage" of "finding yourself "in a love. Being at the outset of what may well be a very happy relationship in which this is an important subject, I would offer you this mini guide to a non western philosophy (it is buddhist and written in French) which make some attempt to "chart this territory" where I think quite a few people are getting lost.